Virtual
War Memorial
Australia

Allen John MCDONNELL was my Dad. Dad was born in Adelaide on 30th December 1942. He was the fifth of six children. By the age of seven he lost both his parents and he and his brothers and sisters were raised by their aunts and uncles. At the age of 17 Dad joined the army, which became his family and somehow gave him a sense of belonging.
Like so many Vietnam Veterans after returning from combat, he was lost and turned to alcohol for comfort. I can't remember a time that dad didn't go,to bed drunk. His moods were unpredictable and his line of tolerance shifted every day, what was ok today wasn't tomorrow and what wasn't okay yesterday was today. He was always sad, even when he was drunk. On the rare occasion he smiled , in his eyes still showed sadness. We walked on egg shells all the time, trying to pre-empt his mood, to know how to adjust our behaviour. When he was happy, times were good, we laughed, we played but always knowing it could change at any moment , but didn't know what is was that would change happy to anger , and when it was bad it was really bad.
I was nine months old when Dad was deployed to Vietnam and almost two when he returned, of course far too young to remember any of it. My earliest memories of Dad are when we lived in Singapore from 1969 to 1971. According to Mum that was the happiest they were after he returned from Vietnam, and on returning to Australia it all fell apart.
It wasn't until 1999 that Dad got the help he needed but by then it was too late, our family was broken, Dad was even more broken. Dad finally gave up drinking in January 2016 but it was too late for him, his body was damaged from alcohol abuse and passed away five months later.
Dad was actually dead all our lives, except for the those last five sober months.
The only comfort his death offered was knowing his war was finally over...
I am proud that he was a soldier - I wish I had told him that